....wrong number

I only just recently discovered P. G. Wodehouse and I love him! Here are a few quotations from this crazy and amazing author to make you smile! (I forgot to post yesterday so this will have to cover two days.)  BTW if you have a friend close by they are really funny to read aloud. 

"Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum."

"He trusted neither of them as far as he could spit, and he was a poor spitter, lacking both distance and control."

"It was one of those cold, clammy, accusing sort of eyes--the kind that makes you reach up to see if your tie is straight: and he looked at me as I were some sort of unnecessary product which Cuthbert the Cat had brought in after a ramble among the local ash-cans."

"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."

“He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”

“What ho!" I said.
"What ho!" said Motty.
"What ho! What ho!"
"What ho! What ho! What ho!"
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.” 

-from 'My Man Jeeves

“It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.”

"He was not a man who prattled readily, especially in a foreign tongue. He gave the impression that each word was excavated from his interior by some up-to-date process of mining."

"At this moment, the laurel bush, which had hitherto not spoken, said 'Psst!'"

"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'"

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.” 

I got a kick out of these! Wodehouse has a way of writing that I have never seen a comperison to. Probably the funniest author I have ever found.